Shall I talk about my early childhood days, school days or later days? Shall I talk about my days in the mountains, plains, olive groves, citrus groves, vegetable and fruit groves? Shall I talk about the "incident" I had in which a friend in elementary school (who was older than me) convinced me to leave school once and for all? I was convinced and I skipped school one day, threw my bag in the backyard of my parents' house and went to the mountains with him looking for Chukar nests. (At that time, I wasn't mature enough to appreciate wildlife.) Then, my parents knew about the issue and directed me for the right path. They put me on the right track. This story shows how friends can have a negative or a positive influence and shows the constructive role of parents and why the son/daughter must obey them. Shall I talk about my days in Nazareth? Shall I talk about my days in Jerusalem? Shall I talk about my days in Jarash? Shall I talk about my days in Irbid, Amman, Alkarak, Assalt, Zarqa, Maadaba, Kearney, Buffalo, Rochester, White Plains, Danbury, Stony Brook, Wilmington, Colorado Springs, Des Moines, James Town, Boulder, Kansas City, Chicago, Niagara Falls, North Platte, etc? Shall I talk about my days in Wyoming, Washington DC, Denver, Lincoln, New York, Fredonia, Dunkirk, Omaha, Silver Creek, Baltimore, Alexandria, etc? Shall I talk about Frankfurt, Amsterdam, etc? I can go on and on. I may talk about many of those later. But, I'll start (later) from the United States. Shall I talk about that night dream that used to follow me everywhere until this day?! Shall I talk about those newspapers and books from my dad's library that I used to take with me to the mountains to read and to Birzeit University to read? (People and students used to think I spend my time studying on my classes, while in fact, those books had nothing to do with my classes. They were just general knowledge books to expand my culture and to open my eyes wide open in order to understand this world and its history. That's why I, my brothers, my sisters and my parents have extensive knowledge. I challenge everyone if I am not correct when I say only few people have such knowledge.)
What's common about all of those cities I listed above? There is a common factor between all of them which is "nostalgia for the past".
Since I was very young, I used to like Russian, French and American movies. I never liked British movies at those days. But, later I started liking them. I used also (before the advances in telecommunications) to listen a lot to radio stations from all parts of the world specially short wave radio stations. One of those radio stations is "Voice of America". I never listed to news on that radio stations, because I knew that there may be hidden agenda and brain washing ideas. I used to listen to programs about life in the United States. I still remember very well one of those programs and what the host said. He was talking about events in the American state of Georgia (not the country of Georgia). Such things and the American movies made me very interested in the American way of life. In particular, I always liked the state of Hawaii and my dream was to visit it. But, what happened then? First, I wanted to study mechanical engineering. Then, some people in the Math Department at Birzeit University and the Physics Department there tried to convince me to study Math or Physics. My mom and one of my brothers, encouraged me to do that, while my dad and my sisters didn't want that. But, then circumstances happened and I studied math. When I finished my Bachelor, I applied to two fellowships for the Master's degree. One of them is German and the other is from a Syrian Foundation in the United Kingdom. Although the chance for me to see the United States became possible and was about to be realized. I became hesitant. Mainly because I didn't want to leave my parents. I consulted many people and all of them encouraged me to choose the United States. They said to me: who gets the chance to go to the United States and declines?! Then, I decided to go to the United States. To be frank, till this moment, I don't know whether I made the right decision or not. When I say the right decision, I do not mean "right" with respect to myself. But, right with respect to my family especially with respect to my parents. I left my parents when they needed me the most. They took care of me when I was young and I must take care of them and stay close to them when they are old.
Before I proceed, I would like to say that my dreams were much bigger than what I accomplished so far. One of the dreams was to accomplish something important for humanity that people will remember me with long after I am gone. Another dream was to introduce a significant help to old people, weak people and people who suffer from unfairness. Another dream was to earn two Ph.D.s and three Master's degrees. (I ended up with just one Ph.D. and two Master's degrees.) Another dream was to become a poet. Another dream was to speak many languages. I also was hoping to have a simple museum for Palestinian old tools and instruments. Unfortunately, conditions were not in my favor and many things were out of my hands.
Before I continue, I would like to stress that I accomplished many of my goals. But, maybe partially. I helped many people in many means. This is one of the things I enjoy the most. I also made significant difference in the lives of some people and helped them or motivated them to make good positive turns in their lives. Some of that happened in Palestine, some happened in the United States and some happened elsewhere. I even got two certificates of recognition from the State of Nebraska for doing just that.
Well, I flew to JFK airport in New York at a Tristar airplane. I still remember that day very well. Then, I took another plane (heading to Washington DC) to National Airport (now called Reagan Airport). That day I had "Maqlouba" dinner and purchased a bed. Thank you Dr. Adil and Dr. Jameel for your help! I was late one week for my classes. I still remember my first class there with Dr. Michael Gray. (I had also that semester Mrs. Bedrick, Dr. Al Nigrin, and Dr. Angela Wu.) I lived near the Russian Embassy. My classes used to begin at 5:00 PM and end about 11:30 PM. I used to go home usually around midnight.
I enjoyed my days in Washington DC very much. Shall I talk about the Space (NASA) museum, Postal Museum, National Zoo, the Giant Market, the Capitol (Congress), the White House, the subway (metro), or the rest of interesting places? Shall I talk about the bus incident I had? Shall I talk about the critical car incident? Shall I talk about the chef in the hospital who came to my room and asked me about my favorite food in order to cook it for me? Shall I talk about how he cooked me spaghetti the Palestinian way when he knew I am a Palestinian? Where does such kindness happen? Only in the great United States! (By the way, that was the third card accident I had in my life and I would never forget the terrifying moments of it that I remember before I lost consciousness.) Shall I talk about the dinners at Dr. Adel's house and Dr. Fairouz house? Shall I talk about my first bottle of "Aspen" and its story in the elevator? Shall I talk about that dinner at the Chinese restaurant with Prof. Mary Gray and Prof. Marwan Awartani (President of Khadouri University)? Shall I talk about the delicious food in a Lebanese restaurant in Washington and a Palestinian restaurant in Virginia? Shall I talk about the Potomac River and the Atlantic Ocean or about the Atlantic City? Shall I talk about the best Baklava I ever had at Samadi Sweets in Virginia? Shall I talk about that Lebanese store in Washington DC from which I used to buy pita bread and other Arabic food? Shall I talk about how generous the American University in Washington which offered me a Ph.D. fellowship when I finished my Master's degree in Computer Science after 11 months? BTW, I declined that fellowship because a friend of mine was working on his Ph.D. in Nebraska and encouraged me to study there. So, I applied. Shall I talk now about how much Americans in academia appreciate intelligence and hard work and how Prof. Jim Lewis who wanted to come from Nebraska to Washington asked me to meet with him in Washington and how I was offered an assistantship from the University of Nebraska? I don't want to forget Prof. Mary Gray (American University and Amnesty International). Her help and her sympathy with the Palestinians and with other nations in the world cannot be forgotten. How shall I thank the American University for the education I got from it? How shall I thank all professors there who taught me?
So, I went to Lincoln Nebraska. Shall I talk about the days I enjoyed there in its cafes? In the mill? In the Coffee House? Shall I talk about the good times I spent with many people there including Prof. Kamel Alkhaled, Prof. Tom Shores and others (I don't want to mention some of the names)? Shall I talk about its lakes? Its Palestinian Restaurant and its King Tuts Egyptian Store? Shall I talk about the Huskers days? Shall I talk about remote villages in Nebraska, how quiet and interesting they are and how they reminded me of the American movies I found interesting in my childhood? Shall I talk about my brother's (Dr. Ghassan) visit to me there coming from Harvard University in Boston? Shall I talk about that nice call I received from Prof. Marwan Awartani asking me to work in his company and informing me that his son Maher is nearby? Shall I talk about that incident in which two very very beautiful girls stopped me and asked me for the time? I looked and saw watches in their hands and for some reason (you'll probably know it) I told them it's 8 when it was really 3:40?! Shall I talk about the incident in which Prof. Dave Skoug met me twice and asked me: Why didn't you do well in the comprehensive exam? (He was kidding!) The third time he told me I made no mistakes at all and got a full mark. Prof. Skoug was such a nice professor who was kidding with me. How shall I thank the University of Nebraska-Lincoln which awarded me several certificates, recognitions and awards? How shall I thank it for the second Master's degree in Mathematics and the Ph.D. in Applied Mathematics? How shall I thank it for the two positions it offered me after finishing the Ph.D. although it had a policy of not employing its graduates? A position in the Department of Mathematics and a position in the Department of Computer Science and Engineering Department. How shall I thank Prof. Tom Shores for his extensive knowledge and the excellent education he offered? How shall I thank Prof. Jitender Deogun for wanting me to work on a Ph.D. in Computer Science with him and doing whatever it takes to accomplish that? How shall I thank all professors in the Math Department who taught me or supervised my thesis or were on the thesis committee or who I worked with or interacted with? How shall I thank my colleagues in the Department of Computer Science & Engineering who I worked with or had interaction with?
Prof. Shores I am so sad because of your illness and the illness of your wife. I pray for you and I hope you'll recover from cancer.
While I was in Lincoln, a colleague contacted me from Fredonia and asked me to join them there. I applied and I got the job at SUNY (State University of New York).
Shall I talk about Lake Erie, Domino's Pizza, Quality Markets and its roasted chicken, JCPenny, its Greek Restaurant, its cigar and pipe tobacco store or Niagara Falls
nearby or its Tim Horton's? Shall I talk about the three souvenirs I saw there that I will never forget. Two of them are crystal souvenirs that are hard to describe
and one of them is a dear souvenir. When I went back to buy the first two, I could don't find them. (Apparently they were gone.) The third one was hard to carry because
of its size and because it can be smashed or broken. Shall I talk about the Indian reservations and the Amish? How interesting I found those places,
how quiet and how simple. Shall I talk about that buffet in which I used to have two small steaks and 4 pieces (or more) of my favorite cakes such as cheesecake,
coconut creampie, banana creampie and chocolate creampie? Shall I talk about that party at the house of the President of the Stony Brook University
(it was snowing when I arrived there) on long Island in which there were several university presidents, New York state senators and many interesting people
and public figures? Shall I talk about that beautiful girl in the hotel who liked my perfume and asked me for the name?
Shall I talk about that employee Charlie and his incredible love of the Chai drink? The poor guy had cancer.
Shall I talk about those parties at President's Hefner house? Shall I talk about the good times of me and Prof. Joe Straight in Tim Horton's and other places in and out
of town? Shall I talk about my first dinner with him at a bar in Fredonia? Shall I talk about the Sunday's picnics at his house?
Shall I talk about my good times with Prof. Fawzi Yaqub (originally from Anabta and taught at the American University in Beirut for 18 years, I think) in
the Greek restaurant, White Inn and Applebee's? Shall I talk about my visits with Prof. Dia'a to Indian reservations, to several restaurants and to Starbucks?
Shall I talk about those dinners with Prof. Dia'a and his wife at their house together with his wife parents? Shall I talk about those picnics and the many Easter,
Christmas and New Year Eve dinners in the house of Prof. Joe Straight, his wife Wendy and his brother? Shall I talk about the dinner at the house of Prof. Khaled (I cried
because the food was very hot and very spicy, but it was tasty and delicious)
or the dinners I had with Prof. Reneta and Prof. Khalid in the Greek restaurant? Shall I talk about all of those lunches or dinners with Prof. Harris,
Prof. Tat, Prof. Mary, Prof. Mohammad, Prof. John, Mr. Mike, Dr. Anatole, etc?
Shall I talk about that dinner at the beautiful remote house of Dr. Karen Ehlrich and her husband?
Shall I talk about those tasty Turkish black olives I bought from a Turkish shop in Rochester, NY?
Shall I talk about the tasty delicious cake that Prof. Virginia (Ginny) Horvath makes? She is good at everything she does.
Shall I talk about the dinners at Prof. Fawzi's house and his wife Penny? Shall I talk about the very interesting gifts I received from some people? Shall I talk about the cherries I used to harvest from the field myself? Shall I talk about the sweets I used to order almost every week from Shatilla (Lebanese) and Masri Sweets (Palestinian) in Dearborn, Michigan? Shall I talk about my favorite soap, bagels, scones, apricot tea, muffins and chicken salad wrap from the cafe near my office and the excellent coffee from the vending machine nearby?
How shall I thank SUNY for everything it did for me?
Before I finish this paragraph, I would like to comment on the American University of Beirut (AUB) since I mentioned it. This university graduated many politicians,
artists and scientists. It graduated world leaders (presidents, kings, prime ministers, etc), ministers and others. It graduated the late
creative British Iraqi architect Zaha Hadid. I think she was the No. 1 architect in the World. She passed away in Florida. But, I am fond of Antonie Gaudi and Frank Lloyed Wright as well.
During my stay in New York, my dad passed away. (I think because of a medical mistake.) That was an extremely difficult period for me. Then, my mom kept asking me to leave the states and come back. During which, officials at Birzeit University asked me to work at their university. Although I was still very hesitant, I took a sabbatical leave from the State University of New York (SUNY) and worked at Birzeit University for one year. That was fun actually. I enjoyed that year in Birzeit and in Ramallah. Shall I take how nice the deans Prof. Simon Kuttab and Prof. Aziz Shawabki were? Shall I talk how much confidence the Math Department and Prof. Simon Kuttab had in me? Shall I talk about the dinner I had at the houses of Prof. Mohammad Saleh, Dr. Alaa Elyyan, the late Mr. Abdelhamid Abu Rob and the late Mr. Rasmi Kaabi? Shall I talk about the memories I had in Birzeit when I was a student and that were refreshed by my work there? Shall I talk about the good times and the lunches and dinners I had with Prof. Aldric Brown and his daughter Monica? Shall I thank Birzeit University for making life very easy to me and for assigning me a very nice schedule and on a limited number of days? Shall I thank Prof. Simon Kuttab, Prof. Mohammed Saleh, Dr. Alaa Elayyan, Mr. Amer Jafar and all others in the Math Department and other departments? Shall I thank the nice great Prof. Helga? Prof. Helga of the German DAAD Foundation and a Professor at Birzeit University. She is a great professor and a great human. She is one of the most competent people I saw. She introduced a lot of help to the Palestinian people. I heard she has a similar (to that I have about her) impression about me.
Then. my mom asked me to leave Birzeit and come to the Arab American University in order to be close to her. The Arab American Umiversity during one of my visits asked me to join it. Dr. Nizam Diab and Dr. Saed Mallak did a good job in that. I accepted and resigned from Birzeit University. Then, Birzeit University asked me to teach at least Master's courses for them. I accepted and taught two courses. But, it was tedious to travel to Ramallah and come back the same day. So, I didn't do it again. And here I'm. I am still at the Arab American University. While I was teaching at the Arab American University, I was still on leave from SUNY. I was on sabbatical and on leave from SUNY for 4 years. Officials there appreciate hard work and this shows how far they go in order to keep "good" faculty members. I cannot forget that when I threw a sabbatical party at SUNY, most officials attended. The Vice President of Academic Affairs attended. Current and former deans attended. Current and former chairs of several departments attended as well as other officials. The President was off campus that day. I still keep all gifts and cards I received that day from those wonderful great people.
I'll cover the remaining (before college and after) parts of my journey later.
But, now did I make the right decision in all of those crossroads I encountered? Was every decision I took right? I don't know, really. I have no clue. Sometimes, it is hard to tell and sometimes we cannot tell and sometimes we will never be able to know if the decision we made was wrong or not. Of course, I didn't know at the time when the decision was made that the decision is wrong for an obvious reason: If I know it is wrong, then why to take it?! I still don't know. But, the most important thing is that when I encounter a crossroads in which I have many choices, I try to study the case from all perspectives. (I never made a hasty decision; always I take my time and try to take all possibilities into account.) Then, I decide. The moment I decide, I don't look backward and I don't think about the other cases anymore. I never said I wish if I had made another choice. What's done is done and if I cannot change anything later, then why to think about it?!
But, I can say for sure that the days I spent in the USA were my best. The only problem with them was being far away from my parents. On the contrary, now there is nothing fun in my life and nothing I enjoy except being close to my mother. She is the only interesting part in my life here. I don't enjoy here anything else. But, since I came back from the United States, I never adjusted to life here. I feel I am not myself. I feel I am just wasting my time and my life. My mother was the only reason for me to leave the USA. (At that time, my father was dead.) There was aboslutely no other reason. I moved from a very smooth, easy, wonderful life to a very difficult life that I don't understand. In the United States, I used to take care of my health and watch my diet. Here, I stopped doing that. I simply don't care, because I feel nothing is worth it. I feel I am living a life that is not my life. But, the person has to tolerate life, tolerate people and tolerate the conditions. Sometimes, country music, "Summer in the City" for the Lovin' Spoonful band, "Rocky Mountains High" for the late John Denver, "Every Time You Say Goodbye" and "When You Say Nothing at All" for Alison Krauss, give me some sympathy. Chatting with people from the United States (who I know) make me feel so good. Chatting with the President of SUNY Fredonia. prof. Horvath, makes me feel great. Sometimes (night) dreams take me back to the states. Sometimes (day) dreams try to take me back to the states. But, no dreamliner will take my dreamline (not that of "Roll the Bones") back to the states! Memories fly me to the states. Trying to be myself carries me to the states. Taking care of my gardens makes me have some fun. Spending time with my mother and talking to her give me the best joy. She is the only meaningful thing in my life and the only one that deserves I sacrify for her.
Why all of this love for the United States? Well, there are many reasons that I may spell out later in addition to that magic about this country that attracts people to it as if it is a magnet. It is some sort of addiction that maybe hard to understand or justify. The easiest answer may be is: ask the heart and ask the mind. But, I try to have at my house everything that reminds me of the United States. I even look for American goods everywhere and buy everything American I used to buy in the United States. Why do I do that? Maybe the asnwer is similar to the answer of the question "why does President Putin keeps his right arm glued to his side while walking"? It is because he is a former KGB officer and they were trained to do that in order for their hands to be close to the weapon. So, maybe I want the United States to be close to me! It is as if the USA said to me "keep in touch" when I left. It is as if life stabbed me in the back right to my face after I left. Maybe because the United States puts everyone where he/she belongs while others don't. Maybe because the United States put me where I belonged and I felt I was where I belonged. Maybe in the United States and only in the United States what's right is right and what's wrong is wrong, while in other places what's wrong is right and what's right is wrong. Maybe because in the United States and only in the United States, everyone has the correct dose of selfesteam. Maybe because the United States is a smart country and I, by nature, like smart people althoough I don't see many many of those in my life. Maybe because the only language I speak is the "American" language. Maybe because I understand Americans and they understand me. Maybe my body left the USA, but my mind is still there. Maybe because my timemachine put a "reverse" and travelled back in the past instead of exploring the future. Maybe it is a UFO phenomenon called USA. Maybe because USA sees the good aspects of the person and focuses on that instead of seeing only the bad aspects as other countries do (without even checking if such bad aspects really exist). Maybe because I am not shy in the USA but shy everywhere else. Maybe my mind refused to leave and decided to stay there. Maybe because I found myself only in the United States and the United States found me. May be it is the past where I belong! Maybe I don't belong to the present! Future? We'll see. Life outside the USA is like a never–ending nightmare. It is like tales from the crypt! Someone may say: adapt. I may say: I tried but had the taste of failure! There are many things that are out of reach including happiness, the way of life and the meaning of life. But, is really life outside the US is a failure? Is it wrong to think this way? overall, aren't concepts such as failure and wrong are relative concepts and how we decide what's wring and what's a failure? What standards do we use? Aren't there people who think everything is just a view point? Don't they think a mistake is just a view point? Aren't msitakes just view points? Isn't failure just a view point? So, is failure really a failure and is wrong really wrong? What if a person lost the sencors and the "logic vision" and have no longer the signal that indicates failure? What if th person has no lonegr a red flag for failure? What if the person has no longer an alarm to go off when the time is a faliure time or when something wrong happens? Think of Dr. Hannibal Lecter. Is he real or is he just a character in a novel? Did he believe what he did is wrong? Aren't there people who think the illegal money is the money that can't be reached and all other money is legal? Is history really history? Isn't the victor the one who writes the history and he writes it exactly as he wants? Was President Idi Amin really a cannibal? I can go on and on. But, Bill Cosby said "the key to failure is trying to please everybody". So, maybe the key to success is trying to annoy everybody! Well, it can't be. But, I have a point here. Do you get it? Maybe we live in a point of time which is a "failure point". Thus, any failure will be a "failure withing a failure" or a "failure inside a faliure". But, again how to tell a failure is a failure? Do we apply pattern recognition classifying algorithms (a word named after the Persian mathematician and astronomer alKhawarizmi)? Do we apply image processing methods to find out if the "face" we see is the "face of failure"? Do we need data mining to reduce the signs of failure? What's more critical is: Do we export failure or import it? Is failure something we can control or does it control us? How can we control failure? What if failure is fake?
Sometimes, there are things that are hard to answer or to justify. Why did a smart painter such as Mark Landis decide to forge all of those paintings instead of having his own? My feelings towards the states my be hard to explain or justify exactly as it is the answer to this question I've just asked! But, my days in the states are gone as the days of Charlie Chaplin, Laurel and Hardy, Three Stooges, Mr. Adams, "I love Lucy", MASH, Frasier, and "as Time Goes by" (not the song but the British TV series). They are all gone. Time goes by as does life. But, I don't know, maybe the key is in quite the converse of the amazing statment in the inaugiration speech of JFK "ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country". In other words, maybe it is what that country did for me.
Why the way many people think is so shallow?! Why don't we look for the truth instead of believing what we hear or what books, media and people want us to believe? But, what is the truth? Is the trusth really a truth? Is the truth always known? Does the name "Coca Cola" was derived from the word "cocaine"? Did this drink at first contain an extract from this plant? Was Christopher Columbus the first to discover America? We know that the country of Colombia was named after him as well as everything called columbia, I think. Also, the word Columbus (such as the capital of the state of Ohio) was named after him, I think. But, the name America was derived from the latin word "Americus" which is the latin version of the Italian name "Amerigo". Amerigo Vespucci is an Italian explorer that the word American was named after his first name. Back to the question: Did Christopher Columbus was the first to discover America or was it the Chinese or the Arabs long before him? What is the truth here? Who discovered coffee? Was it the people living in what's called now Ethiopia or was it a Yemeni Arab discovered it in Ethiopia. We know that the Yemeni Arabs are the ones who took the coffee from Ethiopia, planetd it there and spread it to the rest of the world. Isn't Mocha named after a city (and a port) in Yemen? We know that Nescafe started in 1938. But, was instant coffee invented in 1901 in the US or in 1881 in France? The two major coffee drinks are the Italian espresso and Turkish coffee? But, is the so called Turkish coffee is really Turkish or is it an Arabic coffee with spices removed? Aren't the Yemeni Arabs and not the Turks are the ones who brought this unkown product from Ehiopia and invented this drink before the Turks and others? What about Baklava? Is it Arabic, Turkish, Greek, Persian or what? Isn't Baklava about 2000 years old and was invented by the nation that used to live in parts of what's known now as Syria and what's known now as Iraq? What about Gauss or Gassian elimination? Was Gauss the first to discover it or was it the Chinese about 2000 years ago? What about Horner's rule? Was Horner the first to discover it or was it an Arab mathematician long before? Where is the truth in all of that? Where there any discoveries stolen from Nikola Tesla and how did he die?
Back to my stories. Shall I talk about that incident in one of the cities in which I encountered two armed robbers and I managed to rescue myself in a very clever way? Shall I talk about that incident in which I used to leave the door of my apartment unlocked and one night in which I was very sleepy, I woke up in the middle of the night on the noise of someone opening the door and he entered the apartment and kept walking in a straight line through the room without looking at me and then he made a turn and left? What did I do? Nothing at all. I even didn't bother to go and lock the door after he left or to close it. I never new what was that and never locked the door after. I don't fear humans. I fear only God. By the way, my name means "power" or "strength".
Shall I talk about that man who stopped me and described to me his medical condition and what the doctors told him, but he didn't know what that means although his son was told by the doctors. He was worried and confused. For someone who has some medical background like me, I guessed it was cancer in the last stage. A few months later he passed away? Shall I talk about similar cases I encountered? How hard to know someone is dying and to know that those around him know, but he doesn't.
Shall I talk about that American neighbor who was almost everyday sitting at the porch of his house when I used to pass by and who always smiled for me and invited me for coffee, He seemed to be very happy. Then, after a few months, he disappeared from my sight. I asked about him. They told me he had cancer and he was told he had six months to live. It turned out he passed away when I stopped seeing him. He never told me that and he looked very happy. Similar stories happaened with the woman who lived nearby (she lived only six weeks after cancer was diagnosed) and with an employee at the university. Shall I talk about that nice couple Remond and Helen? How nice!
I did my best to be educated in many subjects not just math and computer science. But, the more I know the more I discover the weakness of the human race and how silly the fun we keep ourselves busy with in this life.
There are many things I see, but I wonder why most people don't see them! In many cases, I feel most people in this world (at least those I saw in my life) are not that intelligent and I wonder why! I feel I have precision in doing things that most people in this world (at least those I saw in my life) don't have. I feel I have speed in doing things that most people in this world (at least those I saw in my life) don't have. I feel I and my family have knowledge that most people in this world (at least those I saw in my life) don't have. I was raised (by my parents) on high ethical standars and values. I wonder why most people in this world (at least those I saw in my life) don't have such ethics and values! I wonder why the person sometimes has to pay a heavy price for his high ethical values! A strange world, indeed! I think and I feel there are many things I can do, but I don't use all of my power and all of abilities. I don't do everything I can do. I don't introduce everything I can introduce. Why? Because I don't feel I have enough motives and enough reasons to do that. In many aspects of my life, I became so lazy because nothing is worth it anymore. Poeple who know me very well know what I am capable of. I can make a difference, much positive difference, but only when enough reasons knock the door to invite my desire and my motives to step in to have the job done, well-done as a matter of fact. Life is good, but I wonder why many people apparently don't understand it and they seem as if they don't understand their roles as humans! I wonder why many people spend their time acting in life instead of being honest with people and with themselves! When I see people fighting for money, positions, etc, I remember what that lady who returned from the North Pole after spending several months there said when she looked at people in the streets. She said they look as a herd of sheep with no real or true understanding of life. If according to statistics only 1 percent of humans are intelligent, only one percent of humans are rich and the intelligence of humans decreases one point every fifty years or so, then look by yourself for yourself and know where you stand. Sometimes I say to myself: maybe it is a good idea "not to think". May be it is a grave mistake "to think". Isn't that logical? Why to think? What for? Sometimes people may let you pay a heavy price because you think. Maybe the mind must not control you. Maybe you must control your mind. Maybe neither! Speaking of logic, isn't that a relative term whose definition and whose application depends on the circumstances?! Overall or afterall, how many people know logic in order to be logical?! Isn't everything relative and measured relatively although it is belived now that Einstein's relativity theorem is wrong! But, he doesn't care because he doens't know that!
From a very difficult childhood of my father whose father passed away when he was two years old to an early post marriage life of my parents that was clouded by poverty and then work with revolution movements to a military intelligence officer to a very rich man most of his life to a poor man agaim shortly before death. Can you imagine living wealthy most of life and then oncluding life with povert?! He started poor and died poor while life in between was quite different! Transition in life (from bad to good or from good to bad) can happen any time and at any moment. I myslef encountered too many difficulties during my entire life, but I never give up. Failure, giving up and surrender are not options for me, beacuse their outcomes are known while trying and keeping hope alive may lead to different outcomes. Maybe the meaning of my name holds the key to this. My name means "strength", "power holder" and "mountain hippocampus" I fear only God. That helped me a lot in my life. As I previously stressed, I starve for life in the United States. In fact, I like almost everything in the past. Even songs, music and movies, I like only those from the past, but I don't like any of the present. I love the elderly and their stories. I always got along with them. Does that make me a man of the past?! Maybe not, because in some aspects, I like the new, the modern and the distinguished.